Let Go

just write just let it go the card said. Just Let It Go. Make it all ok the only way you know how. Don't worry about the hurt that will pass. Don't worry about the life ahead it will be fine. Let the growth begin and let the time approach you. Allow for mistakes that will be, never regret the thoughts or the time or the past.

To be continued.

The Dream

Last night I had a dream. It was a strange dream to say the least yet it was my dream. I was in a house, a large house made of wood. There was wood on the walls, on the floor, on the ceilings, on the stair case. Even some of the furniture was wood except for a chair. The chair was leather, the coffee table was wood. On the wooden coffee table there was a coffin a wooden coffin with pink lining and a woman in the coffin. The woman's body was old, it had been dead for a while. She was wearing a white sweater. Someone came to the door and my husband said " hide it" I went to the living room and rolled up the coffin like you would roll up a piece of newspaper and rolled it in a hole that was in the wall. I pushed the rolled up coffin to the side of the hole in the wall so that no one would see it but the hole was clearly visible. The knock at the door was my parents. My dad was walking straight and tall, my mother wanted to know what took so long to answer the door. I told her we were busy. Mother said " doing what? Hiding bodies" How could she know? Yet she did know. I lied and called her crazy. My husband and I left the wooden house and my parents My dad looked in the hole and said " it is just a rolled up piece of cardboard" My mom crawled in the  hole and pulled out the piece of cardboard and rolled it out to find that we were hiding a dead body. My mom called me home to the wooden house and asked about my affairs. I told her the body was fake made of paper mache and we going to use it for Hollows Eve. She believed me and left. I felt I dodged a close one because the body of the woman was real.

He

He sat on a bench watching quietly as the people said their good byes. The girl he saw sat next to him and waited till he spoke. “ Why is she not crying” he asked “Because she is trying to put the motions of her life in place” replied the girl. “ but she doesn’t look sad” he said. “ she is” she replied. “ Give her time, she doesn’t know how to feel. You were not a good person. She tried to love you but you made it difficult for her to get close to you” “ Was I really that bad ?” “ yes you were. Lets take a walk and look back to see what could have been changed or done differently” “ I don’t want to. I don’t see a need to but I do want to stay with her. In my own way I loved her all I could” “ but did you feel love” “from who” “everyone” He didn’t know how to answer. He just sat there and thought. The girl and him went for a walk. He told the girl about his childhood and the trauma and pain that only she knew about. He told the girl about his insecurities and dreams and goals that he was never able to accomplish. He raised his children but he didn’t feel loved by them or anyone. He felt hurt and abandoned.

It was 10 years ago that she left him. She couldn’t take the pain of his sadness anymore. She gave him all she could and leaving him was difficult to do but she had to. She was for the most part happy with her life and accomplishments still there were things that she had to work on and memories of hurt she needed to forgive but she was on her way. She never stopped loving him but she just could not live in the shadows of his pain anymore. She was full of life, adventure and excitement. He was not. She needed more than he was willing to give. She needed unconditional and he could not give her that. He came with conditions, everything was a condition. She always wondered why she stayed so long but she knew she loved him. That was her only reasoning.

Along their walk he and the girl spoke about nothing yet everything. He told her about his childhood and his siblings; His parents and nieces and nephews; He told her about his brothers. They talked about his time in school and his marriage and his divorce. They spoke of every aspect of his life that he felt he could tell her. He trusted her and he felt safe with her. It seemed as if they walked for miles but it was only minutes. He connected with the girl in a way that he had failed to connect with anyone he ever met. She was kind and safe with a soul of kindness that illuminated her. She walked and listened to his every word with a heart filled with love.

They went back to the bench and watched the people walk away. He watched her begin to cry, he watched her complete the circle of hurt. He watched his children sob with the pain of never really knowing him and the regrets of their loss. He watched his friends ride away and he watched his coffin lowered to the ground. His life was short with millions of regrets and lots of things he wanted to do over. The girl took him by the hand told him that the next life he would be able to do right and she walked him into heaven. Where he was finally safe at home.